I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
