I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
