oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
