My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
