READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
