she woke up with a sticky ear
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
