How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
