is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
