Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
