Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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