One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
