We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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