How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
