we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
