I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
