You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
