Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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