I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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