he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
