Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
