I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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