There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
