I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
