its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
