So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
