I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
