So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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