i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
