Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
