what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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