My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
