Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
my liver is dry heaving
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
