She's JV to your varsity
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
