That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
