Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
