First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
