Non-Jews are for practice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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