Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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