I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
