I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
