When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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