I just pynch a tree in the face
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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