Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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