Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
