i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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