I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
