Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
