Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
