Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
