dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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