Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
