You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
