My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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