I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
