"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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