remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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