I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
