she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
